How to help someone with PTSD

Support from family and friends is one of the strongest protections against PTSD getting worse. You cannot fix PTSD for someone, but you can make it easier for them to heal and to get help.

Understand what they are going through

PTSD can make a person seem distant, irritable, or always on edge. These changes are symptoms, not a measure of how they feel about you. Learning about PTSD symptoms helps you take things less personally and respond with patience.

What helps

• Be there and listen. Let them share at their own pace, without pushing for details
• Ask how you can help instead of guessing
• Help build a sense of safety and routine at home
• Learn their triggers and plan around them together
• Do normal, enjoyable things together that have nothing to do with PTSD
• Encourage treatment without forcing it, and offer practical help such as finding a therapist or driving to appointments
• Notice and celebrate small steps forward

What to avoid

• Pressuring them to talk about the trauma before they are ready
• Telling them to "get over it," or comparing their experience with someone else's
• Taking anger, withdrawal, or mood swings personally
• Making every conversation about PTSD
• Trying to be their therapist. Your role is support, not treatment

Starting the conversation about getting help

Choose a calm, private moment, and speak from care rather than blame. A few ways to begin:

If they are not ready, let them know the offer stands and keep the door open. Sharing information, such as this site or the free PTSD Coach app, can be a gentle first step.

Safety and warning signs

Take any talk of suicide seriously. Warning signs include:

• Talking about wanting to die or being a burden to others
• Looking for ways to end their life, such as searching for methods or getting a weapon
• Drinking or using drugs more
• Pulling away from family and friends
• Giving away belongings or saying goodbye
• Extreme mood swings, or a sudden calm after a period of deep depression

Your safety matters too. If a loved one's anger ever makes you feel unsafe, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.

Take care of yourself too

Supporting someone with PTSD can be exhausting. Looking after yourself is not selfish. It keeps you steady for the long haul.

• Keep up your own friendships, hobbies, and routines
• Set healthy boundaries, and say no when you need to
• Protect your sleep, movement, and time outdoors
• Consider counseling or a support group for family members
• Watch for signs of your own burnout

NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, offers free family support programs and a HelpLine at 800-950-6264. Military families can also turn to Vet Centers, VA caregiver programs, and Military OneSource.

When a parent has PTSD

Children notice more than adults expect. Use simple, age-appropriate words to explain that their parent is dealing with something hard that happened, that it is not the child's fault, and that the parent is getting help. Keep routines steady and welcome their questions.